


Skulls, Tattoos and Hawaiian Shirts

by Lelline



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/F, Female Fake AH Crew, Femslash, Gender or Sex Swap, Humor, Polyamory, Seriously everyone is a woman, Threesome - F/F/F, WIP, fem!AH, lesbians!!!, male!Lindsay, male!Meg, more tags to come, terrible names
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 02:31:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5479934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelline/pseuds/Lelline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one night stand between Jacklyn and two of the most dangerous women in criminal world could end up becoming more than any of them expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skulls, Tattoos and Hawaiian Shirts

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a WIP and I'm open to suggestions as I go (especially on how to fix my terrible names). This may actually end up having explicit smut in it, so I hope you're excited (or horrified).

It was not the first morning Jack woke up with her face buried in a strange pillow.

She always slept on her stomach, usually stretched out with her arms and legs akimbo. Her first clue of being in a stranger’s bed was usually the scent of the pillow. The second clue was usually her lack of space, due to the presence of another body in the bed. Sometimes they would be wrapped around her, sometimes it was just be the tilt of the bed or the sound of their breath.

This was the first time she woke up to two bodies pressed against her.

She opened her eyes, moving her hands beneath her to push herself up. There was a little resistance from the raven haired woman who had been on her left. The woman groaned, but released her after a moment, letting out a huff of air that smelt like whiskey. The second person was a shade of dirty blonde that was almost brown, her hair cascading down her back.

It was a relief they were both women, both since it made complications less likely. Jack felt a little hungover, a little sore, but she still felt the afterglow of amazing sex even if she couldn't remember it.

The blonde rolled out of bed, back turned to them as she stretched. Her skin was smooth and hairless, marked everywhere with scars and wounds. She was unashamed as she made her way around the floor, collecting her clothing and disappearing into the ensuite.

The raven haired woman was just as scarred, though she was preoccupied with eying Jack. She was pretty in an offbeat way, hair cut to stick out every which way and just showing a few strands of grey. Her face was soft and gentle, but her body was an array of different tattoos and marks, telling Jack they had probably met at Burnie’s pub.

“Goodmorning.” Jack nodded at her, then started to slip from the sheets, glad when she was not stopped. It had been years since Jack started to work in Achievement City and longer still since she started working for Sarge. She knew the rules to their world and she was relatively low rank and wanted to stay unnoticed.

“What's your name?” The other asked as she watched Jack try to hunt down her clothes. “I was very, very drunk last night but I know you were very good.

“I couldn't have been that good. I was blackout drunk.” Jack laughed, managing to find her thong and bra hung on the doorknob. Her shirt was acting as a doorstop, but her leather pants were nowhere to be found. Instead, there was a leather coat kicked under the bed skirt.

Jack pulled it out to make sure it really wasn't hers. She dropped it fast on ther bed when she saw the patches on the shoulders, the blue standing out vividly.

“That's the Vagabond’s jacket.” The dark haired woman said in surprise, crawling over to look at it closer. “It's… It's not yours is it?”

“It's mine, actually.” The blonde said from the bathroom, already dressed. She had sloppily applied makeup, making her face vaguely skeletal, and her hair was back in a messy ponytail. A skull mask was in her hands, but she didn't seem like she was in a rush to don it.

There was no doubt she was really the Vagabond.

Jack didn't know how to respond to the sudden realization that they had been seduced by the mad murderess herself. The power seemed to radiate power and danger.

“I had no idea you played for our team.” Their third finally slid from the bed, revealing the fishnet stockings still on her long legs. It was the only scrap of clothing on her, but as she gave the blonde a lazy grin Jack finally recognized her.

“You’re Geophia.”

“Guilty as charged.” The head of the Fake AH crew preened, grabbing a robe to haul on. “Call me Geoff. You still haven't given us your name.”

“Jack.” She admitted, going to haul on her clothes. It felt good to be more covered, even if her legs were still bare. She lifted the black and blue leather jacket and brought it over to Ryan. “I'm just one of Burnie’s ‘couriers’.”

“Yeah,” Geoff made her way over, crowding her near Ryan.

She was suddenly stuck between two of the most dangerous women in the city. One practically still naked while the other looked ready to go start a fight with someone.

“ I should get going.” Jack said, trying not to show how freaked out she was. “It was nice meeting you.”

“It was nicer meeting you..” Geoff’s eyes scanned her over, lingering on her still bare legs. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for breakfast?”

“I’m sure.” She looked around desperately one last time for her pants before making her way out.

The condo they were in had to be a safe house, everything lacking personal touches, though one door proudly displayed the Union Jack.

Jack resigned herself a little as she reached the front door without seeing any sign of her pants. They had been her favourite and made of real leather, but as much as she had loved them she was not going back to that awkward bedroom.

She walked out in just a thong and her shirt, glad to see her car parked close by. Someone wolf whistled, but she ignored them in lieu of checking her baby for scratches. Once she was sure it was fine, she climbed inside, hissing a little as the cold leather seat touched her bare skin.

The drive home was hell, the woman hitting nearly every red light before missing her turnoff on the highway. Her mind was stuck between replaying the terrible wake up she had and on trying to remember how in the hell she had ended up seducing two of the most dangerous women in the world.

The garage door to her house was already open, with Jerry sitting inside working on a bike. The short, half-Syrian woman was more muscle than curves, her shoulders much wider than her hips. Her hair was beautiful though, silky black and curling around her jaws almost like a beard. Mattie, her friend, was just beyond her, the messy beanpole holding up a part do Jerry could reach inside.

They both laughed when Jack stepped out of the car pants less. 

“So I take it you had a nice night last night.” Mattie let out a little huff of a laugh, flushing a bit beneath her thick frames. “You could get a dental impression off your thigh.”

“It would be an impression of the Vagabond.” Was all Jack said before disappearing into the house to shower and dress.

 

She had not been stupid enough to think that would be the end of it.

She worked for Bernadette “Burnie” Burns, and as a result, it was only a matter of time before she had to work with or near Geoff and Ryan.

It was an unpleasant surprise however to be assigned to deliver a set of confidential documents to the Fake AH Crew not two weeks later.

The address she was given was the same damn Safehouse, and idly she wondered if this was Burnie meddling. It seemed like half her coworkers knew about her wild night and if Joelle made one more crude joke about it Jack would kill her.

If there was one thing Jack was proud of, it was her professional attitude. So she ignored her discomfort, squared her shoulders, and knocked on the door.

The girl who answered was thankfully not Geophia.

Instead it was a young tanned blonde with big green eyes and an even bigger nose. She smiled at Jack a little shyly, and after a moment she recognized her as Mel’s girlfriend, Gavine. “You’re Jack!” She murmured excitedly.

“Oh shit, really?” Another girl piped up, rushing to the door to get a look. She was a curly haired redhead with a brown jacket, a few explosives stuck to her belt, and freckles everywhere. She had to be Michelle aka Mogar, the most explosive fighter of the crew.

Beyond them was the last of the Fake AH Crew Lasses, a darker skinned woman with a purple hoodie and a pink sniper, The Brownwoman, Rachel or "Ray" .

“Come in.” Gavine grabbed Jack by the wrist and gave her a solid tug inside. “Geoff will want to see you.”

“I am just here to drop off some files for Burnie.” Jack protested weakly. “I've got more drop offs to do.”

“Fuck that.” Michelle shook her head, glancing back. “Geoff! Get your fat ass out here.”

“What?” The head of the crew appeared in the hallway, still tying a tie. She was dressed for a heist, wearing a smart pantsuit and red vans. “What do you bitches want now… Oh.” Her eyes landed on Jack and her expression melted into something closer to a smug cat. “ _ Jack.” _

Her lips were covered in a fresh coat of red lipstick, and Jack wanted to see if it would smudge. The way Geoff was looking back at her promised her a lot more than kisses.

“So.” Gavine wondered aloud, glancing between the older women, then to the other lasses. “Should we threaten her for looking at our ‘Mum’ like that, or should we tell her to run away screaming?”

“I should get back to work.” Jack murmured, blundering as she pressed the files into Gavine’s hands and stepped back into the hall. “Bye.”

“Wait! Jack.” Geoff called but Jack didn’t give her a chance to catch her, already rushing to the elevator to escape.

She did not want to be there anymore, not in that apartment and not facing Geoff looking like that, in front of nosy girls. They all probably had a laugh about her already, especially if they still had her pants.

 

She ran into Ryan a few days later.

Jack had been out shopping, trying to find a pair of leather pants that fit her half as well as her old pair. Instead, she found herself in Victoria Secret, staring blankly at a scantily clad mannequin and wondering if she was going insane. As always, she was a bit conflicted between wanting to buy things for herself, or wanting to picture someone else in them. It came in a gaudy hawaiian print, and she couldn’t help but grab it.

“Jack?” A familiar voice said behind her, and she turned to face them with a thong dangling in her fingers. Ryan’s eyes went straight for it, and the blonde gave her a wry smile. “Shouldn’t you get something with more coverage for the next time someone sets your pants on fire?”

Oh, so that’s what happened to her pants. Shit.

“No pantylines.” Jack shrugged, trying to act like she was not a little freaked out. Vagabond looked gorgeous in plainclothes, her shirt clinging to her curves even as her loose jeans hid a bit too much away. Her eyes drifted down to Jack’s hands and since turnabout was fair play, she glanced at Vagabond’s. It seemed Ryan preferred sports bras and boy shorts, obviously liking a more comfortable fit.

“So.” Ryan gave her an easy smile, stepping closer. She smelt like cinnamon and coffee, eyes sparkling with interest. “Are you free tonight?”

“Yeah.” Jack blurted out before she was even done talking. Her heart skipped a beat and she lowered her hands, now even more embarrassed to be holding underwear while talking to the woman. “Why?”

“Meet me at 6pm down at the trainstation by Fourth street.” Ryan leaned closer, then backed away, a little black thong in her hands. “Dress warm.”

Jack nodded, rendered mute.

 

It was a little disappointing when Ryan showed up in her blue and black jacket, face painted to seem like a skull. It wasn’t a sugar skull, or anything near that beautiful, instead it was dark and detailed and already splattered with drying blood.

Jack sat there in her black leather jacket and wondered how bad her eyeshadow looked in comparison. She had made an effort to look good, but now it seemed it had been a waste wearing a cute thong and a new bra when she had obviously misinterpreted the situation entirely.

“So what's the plan?” She asked with a sigh as Ryan sat in her passenger seat.

“I’m running short on funds.” The blonde shrugged. “Was thinking of hitting a jewelers. Get some cash.” The woman stumbled over the word ‘jewelers’ but Jack just raised an eyebrow and tried to hide her laugh at the fumble. Last thing she needed was to have to clean her own blood out of the upholstery. Ryan didn’t seem to notice Jack’s amusement, instead preoccupied with pulling ammo out of a little messenger bag. A black mask was tossed onto Jack’s lap,

“This car have burner plates?” Ryan asked. “Or a way to block them?”

Jack tapped on a little switch by the dashboard. “Don’t flick it yet. Cops notice that shit.”

The drive out to jewelers was quiet, Jack silently flipping the switch as they neared the shop and tugging on the cloth mask only minutes before. It was a simple ski mask, with a white skull print on the front. Ryan’s mask was on moments later, the woman relaxing as she finished loading her guns.

They parked right in front of the store, and Jack reached back, pulling out her own shotgun. “Want backup?”

“No. Stay with the car.” Vagabond purred, “I won’t be long.”

Jack slipped out anyways. “I’d get bored waiting.”

“That's because you don’t know how quick people are for me.” The blonde turned to her, mask hiding her expression, though her body posture was loose. Jack hoped she was amused, not annoyed as the other woman followed her anyway.

As soon as they saw Ryan’s mask the employees were ducking down, hands over their heads. The Vagabond went straight to the registers, gun leveled at the nearest man. “Give me all the money. And throw in a few watches for good measure.”

Jack smirked beneath her mask, scanning the room. It was exactly what she expected, the whole room too afraid of the infamous killer to try to act out. It was only a small crowd, including three employees and two older women.

Jack’s eyes landed on the youngest employee, the girl’s eyes on something beneath the desk.

The second the girl reached down, Jack almost wished things were like the movies, and she could cock her gun as a warning. Instead she shot just above the stupid girl’s head, startling her enough to stop. “What the fuck you doing there, sweetie?”

Ryan didn’t even look back, seemingly trusting Jack to handle things. It felt good working the room like that, especially with the blonde taking control of the situation.

“Thank you kindly.” Ryan said as she received three gifts bags full of money. “Come on, J, lets get out of here.”

Jack nodded, turning and heading for the car. She already had it started by the time the blonde slipped out of the shop. She looked fairly nonchalant as she headed for the car, as if she had just been shopping instead of robbing the place blind. She even took a moment to shove the bags in the back before sitting in the front. “Drive Reeves.”

“The name you’re looking for is Jeeves.” Jack laughed as she pulled out of the spot and headed straight for the closest safehouse. They’d need to get off the road. 

The woman tore her mask off in response, her ponytail coming loose in the process. She was grinning wildly, “Hey, I was close.”

They reached the safehouse fast enough to avoid a cop chase which was a crying shame when Jack felt so alive. She almost wanted to pass it, just for the thrill of the chase. It was the perfect night for it, the roads nearly clear of traffic and her tank nearly full.

Instead, there was a warm hand on her thigh and a husky voice in her ear. “Take us somewhere private.”

Jack’s face felt hot and she had to let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah?”

The hand caressed her thigh in response and Jack nearly ran off the road.

Even after 14 years of driving, it was hard for her to pull into the small hidden driveway. Her hands were whiteknuckled on the wheel and she didn’t let herself look at her passenger, not even as she heard the sounds of zippers. They stopped at the end of the driveway, well out of sight of the road and half hidden behind a decrepit house.

Ryan’s hand moved further inwards, hand barely skimming the seam of Jack’s pants before she was pulling away. “Is there a bed in there?”

“Y-yeah.” Jack smiled, slipping out of the car. “Let me show you.”


End file.
